To you, I am kind, patient, happy and full of mercy. I obscure my hostility and envy. It’s easy. I’m aware I seem as pure as can be, but I am contradiction. My skin has seen the sun and my eyes are light, but you haven’t see me in my winter; black iris’s, pale and shut in. I can’t divulge my ugliness. I don’t know if you could bear it.
I use pleasant eye contact, silky gestures and cautious idiosyncrasies.. I talk smart and wise and don’t use dumb words, but you don’t know what my mouth can utter. You haven’t seen me make destructive choices, my foolishness showing like a roll of fat as I say “I’m tired,” as I withdraw to my quagmire of self-centeredness. If you did your adulation may disappear. Your approval might depart.
In your eyes I’m near perfect, but you’ve only seen my act. You’ve only loved my show. If you love my show you may love me for yourself, not for me. If you only "love" what I can do for you and the feelings you get from me you have the wrong word.
If I neglect you and curse you will you love me? If I throw tantrums refusing to act like a human being will you love me? Don’t say you love me until you know all of me.
Who is it you love? This well-groomed, showered, altruistic, gentleman, smiling and shaking hands? Of course you love me. If you love me as I am put together before you, let me not be deceived as to who I am.
When you say you love me do you mean you love the secretly smug offender, unstable in his ways who couldn’t care less about you? Do you mean you love the stone-faced, cold-hearted, narcissist who struggles to forgive? Do you mean you love the thief concealing his bounty and using it for his own pleasure? Do you mean the insubordinate, judgmental man who loathes his opposites? Yes, you do. Ha! Yes, you do.